Candice is a busy wife to Matt and mom of Noah (5) and Tyler (3 going on 21). Candice also works part-time at our Rosebank Store of Christian Book Discounters. In her spare time Candice writes for her own blog and is a travel consultant. 

I know about the girlhood dreams. I know about the white dress, the first dance and the baited breath as a bride enters a church at the top of the aisle. Confetti, speeches, cake. I dreamed all of that. But none of it happened for me.

I didn’t have a wedding, as we know it today. Twelve people, our super cool pastor pal and we were married on 23 May 2009. I wore a grey dress, I didn’t want to walk down the aisle and I had no bridesmaids. I was eight months pregnant when I got married. I didn’t want to be centre of attention. I didn’t want to make a spectacle of myself ~ I was walking through the darkest valley of my life (Read my “Power of Vulnerability” blog post – you’ll see why.)

I didn’t feel worthy enough ~ worthy enough to be given any of that.

Hey look, this is no pity party. I’m not looking for sympathy. Just laying it out, how it was. Choices lead to consequence which leads to circumstance. I made a choice, I was dealing with the consequence and part of my expression of my inner struggle was that I denied myself the right to be a bride ~ in the traditional, white-dress-princess-tiara, kinda way.  In denying myself that, I realised in hindsight, I denied my dad the opportunity of walking his only daughter down the aisle. I denied my best friend the chance of being my maid of honour. In denying myself, I denied those closest to me of things only I could give them.

I’m coming up on five years of marriage this May and this has been running through my mind over and over again. People have always asked me “Do you regret not having a wedding, in the traditional sense of the word? Don’t you wish you had it?” and it’s honestly, sincerely always been “No, I loved my version of a wedding. Where I was in my life right then, it was the best way I can think of doing it.”

My grey-dress-baby-bump-flat-shoes-no-tiara wedding was an inspiration to me. Once we’d said our vows, everyone in that chapel, including our parents and our best friends came around us, we all held hands and everyone prayed for us. It’s the only wedding I’ve ever been to that that has happened at. It was just like God was the thirteenth guest there. I could sense Him. And that’s all I really needed right then.

I didn’t need the dress. I didn’t need the walk down the aisle and have everyone gasping at how angelic I looked ~ cos I knew I really wasn’t. What I needed right then, was to know that God still loved me and for those few minutes, He came and reminded me He had never forsaken me. He’d never cast me out. He’d never believed I was not worthy of His grace, even though I told myself that.

You see, marriages aren’t about weddings. I think loads of girls get this wrong. Marriages last WAY longer than that one day that you’re in the spotlight. Well they should, anyway. The white dress gets packed away, the photos get hung on the wall and the video gets played when you’re feeling particularly nostalgic. The essence of marriage is commitment. Marriages are about loving without reservation, putting yourself second for your spouse, and about bringing God into every day and every situation, working together to bring glory to Him. That takes inexhaustible, daily, personal commitment to get that right.

I can say without a doubt, my marriage day (we’ll take the wedding out for my case) had everything that was important. A man who loved me, still loves me today and loved me even when I never loved myself (that still happens some days) ~ a man whose heart for me is one of the most beautiful features about him and a God who took the time to let my heart know that it was ok to return to Him. The man God intended for me, and the God who never left me were both there that day and both of them made it clear to my inner-hating-covered-in-guilt-shame-ridden self that they loved me, exactly where I was. In this life, no matter where it took me, they’d never abandon me.

So white dress, bridal party photos, toasts and speeches aside ~ my wedding day was everything I dreamed it would be. I don’t think in the normal rushing, loud music, always smiling, saying-hello-to-family-you’ve-seen-once-since-you-were-seven wedding, I would’ve heard this. But in the quiet of our ceremony, with everyone holding hands in prayer, it was as if God wrapped me up in His arms and said “Welcome home, sweet girl. I’m proud to call you Mine. No matter what.”

Hey, maybe one day, Matt and I will have a re-run and do it like everyone traditionally does weddings ~ I’ve actually always wanted to bust out Michael Jackson’s Thriller dance with my posse of cousins and my brother, in a wedding dress ~  but until then, I’m happy to say that there’s nothing I’d change about 23 May 2009.

The man I adore and the God we both love both showed up, and that’s all I needed.

Purchase books on relationships & marriage from our online shopping cart,
Email orders@christianbooks.co.za or
Visit one of our stores

It is not just Sabbatarians who need Sabbath :By Tim Challies

I grew up in a Christian tradition that emphasized the continuity between the Old Testament and the New. These Christians held, among other things, that the Old Testament Sabbath commands—given to observe the fourth commandment—carry into the New Testament Lord’s Day. This meant that the whole day was consecrated to the Lord. A whole twenty-four hours out of every week was to be protected from interference from life’s workaday responsibilities.

Though I continue to have a great deal of respect for those churches and that tradition, my views have changed a little bit. I no longer believe that observing the fourth commandment requires refraining from all work on Sunday. But I haven’t abandoned sabbath altogether. Life as a Baptist has forced me to see this: It’s not just sabbatarians who need sabbath. It’s not just sabbatarians who need a day set apart.

Read more here …… online shopping cart,
Email orders@christianbooks.co.za or
Visit one of our stores

Frank Retief was pastor at St James Church Cape Town for 31 years, having planted the church in 1968 with his wife Beulah.  He became the Presiding Bishop of the Church of England in South Africa until he retired in 2010.  Frank remains active in ministry through preaching, teaching , pastoral work & writing, and has authored a number of books.

Strengthening your Spiritual Core

2 Corinthians 13:5 “Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves”

If you are into gym exercise you will know that you are repeatedly told to strengthen your core muscles i.e. back, side, hips, abdominal muscles and so on.

According to Harvard Medical School there are all sorts of advantages to your body, health and sense of well-being.

I think the same is true for us as Christians. We continually need to go back to basic spiritual truths so that we can remain strong, assured and growing spiritually. Hence Paul advises his friends in Corinth to examine themselves. We should do the same. But how do we examine ourselves?

We all know what it means to keep a check on ourselves in other areas of life. Diets are a great example. We usually start off with great enthusiasm, then we begin to cheat a little; then we begin to cheat a lot. Eventually we abandon our diet, but it’s not as if we did not know we were doing so.

So with our spiritual lives. We need to keep examining ourselves and the examination should probe our inner lives. We know very well when we begin cheating spiritually. We should ask ourselves certain questions. Do we still believe what we said we believed when we became Christians? Are we still unashamed of Christ? Do we still maintain our devotion to Him? Are we faithful to Him when the going gets hard?

Paul says “test yourselves”. If Christ is in you, you cannot help being a Christian and doing the right thing even though it is sometimes very hard. Is your spiritual core strong?

It would help us immensely if we kept up a regular bible reading programme accompanied by times of meditation on what we read. And of course we should be in church regularly with other believers to worship God.

These and a whole host of things which are really simply common sense can help us to examine ourselves and our devotion to Christ. In this way we assure that our spiritual core remains strong.

Prayer:

“Almighty God, I feel I have been losing my grip on you lately. I need to keep examining myself. Please help me. Thank you for knowing and loving me in spite of my weaknesses. Please give me grace to strengthen my inner self to love you, serve you and glorify you each day”.

Follow Frank Retief’s daily blog on online shopping cart,
Email orders@christianbooks.co.za or
Visit one of our stores